A few weeks ago I was going through a box of old books in the basement
looking for something to read to my grandchildren, and I came across a book my
wife, Margaret, and I used to read to my daughter, Elizabeth, when she was
little. It’s called Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad
Day by Judith Viorst. It’s the story of a little boy whose day falls to
pieces. It begins,
I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair and
when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard . . . and I
could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.1
From there, Alexander’s day just keeps getting worse as he goes to school,
finds himself at the dentist’s office, and has to go shopping for clothes with
his mother. He has a miserable day. Even the family cat seems to be against him.
What Is the Missing Piece?
Our kids always liked Viorst’s book. And I think we adults had as much fun
reading little Alexander’s grumpy complaints as they did listening. But it’s no
fun when your own day feels like Alexander’s. Who looks forward to a day filled
with obstacles, trials, and setbacks, where each bend in the road seems to hold
something worse?
When it comes to approaching the day, we often are more like Alexander than
we would care to admit. We may not wake up with gum in our hair or feel that our
family and friends are out to get us, but our days often fall to pieces. And, as
a result, they seem like very bad days.
How often do you have a great day? Is it the norm or the rare
exception for you? Take today, for example. How would you rate it? So far, has
today been a great day? Or has it been less than wonderful? Perhaps you haven’t
even thought about it until now. If I asked you to rate today on a scale of 1 to
10 (with 10 being perfect), would you even know how to score it? Upon what would
you base your rating? Would it depend on how you feel? Would it be determined by
how many items you’ve checked off your to-do list? Would you score your day
according to how much time you’ve spent with someone you love? How do you define
success for today?
How Does Today Impact Tomorrow’s Success?
Everyone wants to have a good day, but not many people know what a good day
looks like—much less how to create one. And even fewer people understand how
the way you live today impacts your tomorrow. Why is that? The root of the
problem is that most people misunderstand success. If we have a faulty view of
success, we take a faulty approach to our day. As a result, today falls to
pieces.
Look at these common misconceptions concerning success and the responses that
often go with them:
WE BELIEVE SUCCESS IS IMPOSSIBLE—
SO WE CRITICIZE IT
Psychiatrist M. Scott Peck opened his best-selling book The Road Less
Traveled with the words “Life is difficult.” He went on to say, “Most do not
fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan more or less
incessantly . . . about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their
difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy.”2
Because we want to believe life should be easy, we sometimes assume anything
that’s difficult must be impossible. When success eludes us, we are tempted to
throw in the towel and assume it’s unattainable.
That’s when we begin to criticize it. We say, “Who wants success anyway?!”
And if success is achieved by anyone whom we consider less worthy than
ourselves, then we really get steamed. Like journalist and short-story
writer Ambrose Bierce, we see success as “the one unpardonable sin against one’s
fellows.”3
WE BELIEVE SUCCESS IS MYSTICAL—
SO WE SEARCH FOR IT
If success has escaped us, yet we haven’t entirely given up on it, then we
often see it as a big mystery. We believe that all we have to do to succeed is
find the magic formula, silver bullet, or golden key that will solve all our
problems. That’s why there are so many diet books on the best-seller lists and
so many management fads employed in corporate offices each year.
The problem is that we want the rewards of success without paying the price.
Seth Godin, author of Permission Marketing, recently wrote about this
problem in the business world. He believes that business leaders frequently look
for quick fixes for their companies. But he admonishes that “we need to stop
shopping for lightning bolts.”
“You don’t win an Olympic gold medal with a few weeks of intensive training,”
says Godin. “There’s no such thing as an overnight opera sensation. Great law
firms or design companies don’t spring up overnight. . . . Every great company,
every great brand, and every great career has been built in exactly the same
way: bit by bit, step by step, little by little.”4 There is no magic solution to
success.
WE BELIEVE SUCCESS COMES FROM LUCK—
SO WE HOPE FOR IT
How many times have you heard people say something like “He was just in the
right place at the right time” to explain away someone else’s success? It’s a
myth, just like the idea of the overnight success. The chances of becoming a
success due to luck are about as good as of winning the lottery—50 million to 1.
Every now and then, we hear about a Hollywood star who was discovered while
working as a drugstore clerk or an athlete drafted by a pro team even though he
didn’t begin playing the sport until late in high school and we get excited.
What luck, we think. That could happen to me! But those are rare occurrences.
For every person who makes it under such circumstances, there are thousands and
thousands of people who have spent a dozen years toiling at a craft to get their
chance. And there are tens of thousands more who have put in the years of work
but who still aren’t good enough to make it. When it comes to success, you’re
better off hopping to it than hoping for it.
WE BELIEVE SUCCESS IS PRODUCTIVITY—
SO WE WORK FOR IT
I once saw a sign posted in a small business that said,
There’s something about working hard and producing results that feels very
rewarding. And many people regard that feeling so highly that they define it as
success. Former U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt observed, “Far and away the
best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.”
But seeing hard work as success is one-dimensional. (Is a day that contains
no work unsuccessful? Is someone who retires unsuccessful?) Besides, it’s not
always true. A strong work ethic is an admirable trait, but hard work alone
doesn’t bring success. There are plenty of people who work hard and never see
success. Some people give their energy to dead-end jobs. Others work so hard
that they neglect important relationships, ruin their health, or burn out.
Success may not come to those who don’t work hard, but hard work and success are
not one and the same.
WE BELIEVE SUCCESS COMES FROM AN OPPORTUNITY—
SO WE WAIT FOR
IT
Many of the people who work very hard yet don’t seem to get anywhere believe
that the only thing they need is a break. Their motto begins with the words “if
only.” If only my boss would cut me some slack . . . If only I could get a
promotion . . . If only I had some start-up capital . . . If only my kids would
behave . . . then life would be perfect.
The truth is that people who do nothing more than wait for an opportunity
won’t be ready to capitalize on one if it does appear. As basketball
legend John Wooden says, “When opportunity comes, it’s too late to prepare.” And
for those who receive their wish—of a promotion, start-up money, or anything
else—it rarely changes anything in the long term if they haven’t already done
all the groundwork to be successful.
Besides, we’re all fickle. The thing we believe will solve our problems or
make us happy isn’t lasting. It’s like when I was eight years old and I said,
“If only I had a new bike.” When Christmas rolled around, I got my new Schwinn
with all the bells and whistles. And I loved it—for about a month. Then I had a
new “if only” that I thought would make me happy. An opportunity may help you,
but it won’t guarantee your success.
WE BELIEVE SUCCESS COMES FROM LEVERAGE—
SO WE POWER UP FOR
IT
Some people associate success with power. Their viewpoint is reinforced by
the words of powerful people like industrialist Andrew Carnegie, who asserted,
“Success is the power with which to acquire whatever one demands of life without
violating the rights of others.” Many people take their view of success and
power one step further, assuming that successful people have taken advantage of
others to get where they are. So to get what they want, they look for an angle
to exploit or for leverage over someone else. They believe they can force their
way to success.
Saddam Hussein, Iraq’s longtime dictator, took that approach by using power,
manipulation, and brute force. He got his start politically as an enforcer. He
committed murder for the Ba’ath Party in order to rise through its ranks,
eventually becoming vice president of Iraq following a coup by the Ba’aths. When
Hussein grew unsatisfied with serving as vice president, he simply seized power
and made himself president.
For decades he used torture, oppression, and murder to retain power. His
vision was to become the hero of the Middle East, its unifying ruler, a
modern-day Nebuchadnezzar. But like all people who use and abuse power to get
ahead—whether an arrogant corporate CEO or a bloody dictator—he failed in the
end. No amount of power, no matter how ruthlessly wielded, can guarantee
success.
WE BELIEVE SUCCESS COMES FROM CONNECTIONS—
SO WE NETWORK
FOR IT
Which do you think is more important for getting what you want in life:
what you know or who you know? If you believe the answer is who,
then you probably believe that success comes from connections.
People who believe in connections think they would have it made if only they
had been born into the right family. Or they think their fortunes would suddenly
improve if they met the right person. But those beliefs are misplaced.
Relationships are certainly satisfying. And knowing good people has its rewards.
But connections alone will neither improve the life of someone who is off track
nor guarantee success. If they did, the children of every successful
businessperson would have it made. And the siblings of every U.S. president
would be highly successful. But you know that’s not true. Remember Billy Carter?
Ultimately, no one can network himself to success unless he has something to
offer in the first place.
© 2004 by John C. Maxwell.
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