-
Webster's
dictionary editors will resolve to add the term "5 minutes"
and define it as a period of time that can last anywhere from one hour
to half a day.
-
Retailers will resolve to ban anorexic-looking
models from their ads and catalogs.
-
Your spouse will
resolve to tell you what they really want for a gift instead of
saying "I don't know," or "I don't need anything."
-
Home repair contractors will resolve to finish up one
home remodeling project before leaving it to work on others.
-
Home repair contractors will resolve to tell their
customers that one week (as in, "We'll be able to complete that in a
week.") may consist of 20 to 30 days.
-
Fashion designers will resolve to design lines of
stylish clothes for men and women over age 50.
-
The "get rich" gurus will resolve to tell their
customers the truth: that the way they make most of their
money is by selling gullible dreamers information about how to make
money.
-
Superstores will
resolve to hire enough cashiers so it doesn't take twice as long to
check out as it took to shop.
-
Supermarkets
will resolve to put bread, dairy and frozen foods near the front of
the store instead of at the furthest possible location from the
entrance and cashiers.
-
Search engines will resolve to tell websites why
they are being banned or dropped
from search listings.
-
Internet
opportunists will resolve to stop spamming blogs and message boards with
links back to their own sleazy sites.
-
Women magazine
editors will resolve to stop running pictures of whipped-cream coated
desserts and cherry-topped, double-chocolate, raisin-nut brownies next
to the "Lose 10 Pounds in Two Weeks" headline on their front
covers.
-
Airlines
will resolve not to blame cancellations on the weather when there are
no weather problems anywhere along the flight path.
-
Airlines
will admit the real reason they are canceling the 2:30 flight and the
4:30 flight is so they can save money by squeezing as many
people as possible onto the 3:30 and 5:30 flights.
-
Computer
manufacturers will resolve to build machines that won't become
obsolete in two years.
-
Hardware support
representatives will resolve to stop telling customers "It must
be the software."
-
Software support
representatives will resolve to stop telling customers "It must
be the hardware."
-
Airlines resolve
to rearrange their seating so (a) your knees don't hit the seat in
front of and (b) you can open the cover of your notebook computer even
if the person sitting in front of you leans their seat back.
-
Computer
"consultants" and repair technicians resolve to return your
calls after they've collected their fee.
-
Businesses,
hospitals, and public buildings resolve to hang "no perfume"
signs next to the "no smoking" signs.
-
Telephone
accessory manufacturers resolve to make color-coded accessories so
that when you have to unplug your phone lines to move furniture or
computers you can get them hooked up the right way again in less than
a week.
-
Hardware and
software manufacturers resolve to include comprehensive paper manuals
with their products and make them big enough to find on a book shelf
or in a file drawer.
-
Consumers
resolve to read and follow the manual or instructions shipped with the
product.
-
The phone
company resolves to add a new service named Call Tattle-Tale which
would alert callers that the person they called really is in the
office and able to take calls.
-
Job applicants
will resolve to learn how to spell and proofread.
-
Your spouse will
resolve to record all checks he/she writes in the check register at
the time they are written.
-
Stove
manufacturers will resolve to include instructions that warn: Do not
operate while the Internet is running.
